My sister has been visiting for the past few days with her two girls. We got into a discussion last night about how much parenting influences personality.
I told her I used to believe that nurture has more of an impact than nature until I had my own kid. K’s personality hasn’t fundamentally changed since the day she checked out of the Womb At The Inn. She’s always been extremely patient, easygoing, non-confrontational, non-aggressive. Pretty much an angel child. Except for a bout of “colic” at around 2 months which I now think was actually my fault for listening to all those “experts” and not to her, she’s been a wonderfully easy kid to raise. I think her personality was coded into her the minute that little swimmer met up with its soulmate somewhere in the Love Canal – ie my fallopian tube. Apparently her father was much the same – and still is. Which bodes well for the future. Knock on wood.
My sister, on the other hand, thinks environment has way more to do with it. Some surprising revelations actually. It appears C blames much of her current personality glitches on my mother for “spoiling” her as a child. She also told me she hated my father with an all-consuming passion from as early as she could remember. Not entirely unexpected, actually, considering he was an asshole for much of our formative years. Also not unexpected considering they’re exactly the same and constantly butted heads. She agrees with me that mom was soft on her to compensate for my dad being such a jerk. Luckily their relationship has improved over the years – dad has mellowed out and so has she.
She also insists her oldest went from being a “perfect” baby to an out-and-out terror at about 18 months, and hasn’t changed back. I don’t remember it quite that way, but she’s not my kid, so who can say? Her youngest is also a really good kid, but definitely has her moments. And I watch as my sister treats her youngest with far more affection than her oldest. I know she knows she’s doing it, but can’t help herself. You have to wonder how that’s going to affect them both as they grow up.
