March 20, 2009
Fr: The Right Honourable Stephen Harper
Prime Minister
Government of Canada
To: President Barack Obama
Government of the United States of America
President Obama
Please let me extend my heartfelt thanks for your recent trip to my fair country. I have to say it was quite a thrill to be your first state visit. Even though it was only a few hours, it was enough to get me bragging rights on the international stage. I may have called a few people to crow show off share the good news, just in case you hear something. That Gordon Brown can be quite a gossip.
And don’t worry, I’m not hurt that you wouldn’t give me a tour of Air Force One. I understand the security concerns. But just so you know – I have been cleared by our security agency here in Canada. They don’t consider me too much of a risk, so maybe next time.
I have to say I was surprised to see how easily you got along with the real head of the country, Governor General Michaele Jean. I’ve spent the better part of the past few years trying to get the cow frigid old bag former journalist to open up, to no avail. And just a tip for the next time you come back – don’t pat her on the ass. She hates that.
It was also a refreshing change to see people happy and cheering on Parliament Hill. The crowds that normally gather when I’m around are a bit more angry ready to slit my throat reserved. Your media entourage was also impressive. They seem to really like and respect you. I’d like to foster that kind of relationship with the media here in Canada, in the context of my “keep a lid on everything and freeze out the media at all costs” policy. Any suggestions you might have in that area would be greatly appreciated. I’d also like the name of your personal trainer. And your tailor.
Please know that anytime you’d like to come back, you’re welcome. There’s nothing like hosting the most popular man in the world to add a few points onto the old poll numbers. And no, I don’t mind if you call me Steve. It sound better from you than it does from Danny Williams.
Respectfully,
Steve Harper
