Blatantly Stolen from Refinnej

Memology

MOUTHOLOGY
1. What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch
2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Keg
3. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 20%
4. What food could you eat every day and not get sick of it? Kraft Dinner – gross I know, but what can you do?
5. What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni, ham, and mushroom
6. What do you like to put on your toast? Butter and seedless raspberry jam

TECHNOLOGY
1. Number of contacts in your cell phone? no idea
2. Number of contacts in your email address book? 50 or so
3. What is your wallpaper on your computer? A pic of Vancouver taken from Cypress Mtn when the city was covered in fog
4. How many televisions are in your house? 2
5. Do you use a laptop or desktop? Both

BIOLOGY
1. Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right
2. Do you like your smile? It’s a little crooked – I have one eyetooth missing
3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? No
4. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Hearing
5. When was the last time you had a cavity? Don’t remember
6. What is the heaviest item you lifted last? Barbell at the gym
7. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No

BULLCRAPOLOGY
1. If you could, would you wanna know the day you were going to die? No
2. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? I wouldn’t
3. What color do you think looks best on you? Blue
4. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Probably
5. Have you ever saved someone’s life? No
6. Has someone ever saved yours? No

DAREOLOGY
1. Would you walk naked down a public street for $100,000? Yes
2. Would you cut off one of your little fingers for $200,000? No
3. Would you never blog again for $50,000? Yes

4. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? Yes
5. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Yes
6. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Yes

DUMBOLOGY

1. What is in your left pocket? No pockets here
2. Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? Absolutely!
3. Do you sit or stand in the shower? Stand
4. Could you live with roommates? Depends on the person
5. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Real flipflops with the toe thingy? None

6. Last time you had a run-in with the cops? Maybe a year ago – just pulled over though, no ticket
7. What do you want to be when you grow up? Happy

LASTOLOGY
1. Last person you talked to on the phone? Sister

2. Person you hugged? Husband

FAVORITOLOGY
1. Number? 9
2. Color? Blue

3. Season? Summer

CURRENTOLOGY
1. Missing someone? No
2. Mood? Content
3. Listening to? The dishwasher

4. Watching? Nothing
5. Worrying about? My weight

RANDOMOLOGY
1. First place you went this morning? To the bathroom
2. What can you not wait to do? Go to the Dominican Republic in April.

3. What’s the last movie you saw? Milk

4. Do you smile often? Not often enough
5. Are you a friendly person? Sometimes

6. Now that the survey’s done what are you going to do? Have a shower

It’s My Winter and I’ll Bitch If I Want To

So, apparently we here on the wet coast of Canada are being mocked by people in the Centre Of The Universe for our whining, snivelling behaviour as we dig ourselves out of a staggering 3 feet or so of snowfall over the last 3 weeks.

Well, fuck you and have a nice day.

Do we handle winter well? Not so much. Do we bitch and moan about it? Abso-fuckin-lootly. Why? Because none of us signed up for this.

You want to live in Manitoba? Be my guest. You get piles of snow in the winter, floods in the spring, skeeters the size of Osprey in the summer, and no fall because you have no trees. Calgary and Edmonton? Ditto on the snow, wet muck in the spring, ditto on the skeeters. Toronto? Well, you just suck in general. The Maritimes? The snow times 20, the muck times 10, a freezing cold summer, and funny accents. At least in Newfoundland and Labrador you get Danny Williams to entertain you (Anyone But Conservative! Steve Harper, kiss my codpiece!) but I still wouldn’t live there.

We live in Lotus Land because the climate here supposedly never changes. We get spring, and the rainy season. That’s it. Lows of 7 degrees, highs of 10. But this winter we’ve had a ridiculous amount of snow, torrential rain, hurricane-force winds, and almost no sunshine. When we bitch about the weather, it’s not the actual weather we’re bitching about. It’s the extremes in the weather. You never hear us complaining when we get the standard, casual, desultory rain. Maybe a little snow, but not enough to turn the drivers insane or make us consider – horror of horrors – snow tires. Not enough to make us consider buying a shovel. Or salt. Or snowpants. Or anything even approaching practical footwear. Nine West doesn’t make snowboots. I know – I checked.

So keep your snickering and finger-pointing to yourselves, Canada. Yes,we are going through a bit of a rough patch right now. But when the crocuses start coming up in, oh, a month or so, we promise we won’t rub it in.

Much.

Newsflash … women worry as men burn through the money

So a new survey finds more women than men are worrying about finances and how to conserve money as the global economy circles the bowl.

Duh.

I don’t know how it works in everyone else’s house, but in my house, I’m the banker. I pay the bills, I monitor the credit cards, I sweat as I watch our Homeowners Line Of Credit rise into the stratosphere.

Also in my house, B is the spender. He withdraws money not caring that it’s the day before he gets paid and I’m trying to decide whether to pay the hydro bill or buy something for dinner. OK, it’s not usually that bad – we don’t live paycheque to paycheque or anything – but still, a little consideration would be nice. A little “hey honey, I’m going to grab some cash.” I don’t expect him to ask permission – it’s his money as well as mine – but being more conscious of our money would be nice.

I spearheaded the move to switch mortgage providers and have handled all of the details. All B has done is signed where I told him to sign, and initial where I told him to initial. Oh, and single-handedly push us into our overdraft for the very first time right before Christmas after he decided to go on an $800 shopping spree for people we had agreed beforehand not to buy gifts for. Dumbass.

I often wonder what would happen if I died or became incapacitated. B would have absolutely no clue about what bills we have, how to pay them, when they need to be paid, etc. He and K would starve and freeze to death in the dark.

Happy New Year!

Well, well, lookee who’s back after an, oh, nine month absence or so.

Have decided to ressurect this as one of my New Year’s promises to myself. I literally thought about blogging every day for the last few months, but never gave myself permission to do it. Why? Because deep down I never thought what I had to say was important enough. I mean, who really wants to read this shit?

But now I realize – I’m doing this for me, not for anyone else. I enjoy it and that’s all that really matters.

I’m looking out the window at the incredible amount of snow we have. It’s like we went to bed on the Wet Coast 2 weeks ago, and woke up in Winnipeg. I don’t know how people in snowier climbes deal with this every winter. One of the reasons I moved here was the mild winters. It certainly wasn’t for the sky-high real estate prices or the ridiculous commute.

Speaking of real estate, we’ve been in our place for 5 years as of yesterday. Still can’t believe it. And after 5 years, we made a major decision. We’re breaking up with the Bank of Montreal. Still haven’t told our banker yet – oops. I really haven’t wanted to give her the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. I guess she’ll figure it out when First National pays out our mortgage on January 2nd. This is a major departure for B and I, who normally play it pretty conservative. Instead of going with the safe fixed rate, we’re taking a flyer on a variable rate mortgage, anticipating that the tanking world economy will push rates even lower for the next little while. And we can lock in at any time at First National’s “best posted rate,” including what they offer to entice new clients. Hopefully that works out for us.

We got the name of the mortgage broker we used from our new financial advisor. That’s another change for us – someone to advise us on how to actually retire one day. Forced us to think about what we want and when we want it, and how to get it. If I keep working for the radio station, we’re actually in pretty good shape with my pension. We need to invest for B a little more, but that shouldn’t be too hard once my car payment is done next year. He wants to retire by 55 or so, but I think I’ll be fine working until 65. I know I’d get bored, especially if we don’t have the means to travel and do other things. Besides, when I’m 55, K will only be 25. Likely still needing some help from the Bank Of Mom And Dad.

New Year’s resolutions – don’t usually make them. I make commitments to myself – be nicer to myself, treat my body better, refuse to compromise, have more willpower when it comes to spending money on stupid stuff.

Men Aren’t From Mars, They’re From Hell

So, my wonderful husband is currently wooping it up in Las Vegas. At a stag. He’d better not be putting his woop where it doesn’t belong. He called me last night and said “I’m really tired, I’m really hot, and I’ve spent a whole lotta money.” “That’s great, honey. I hope you make enough money on the slots to stay there, because I no longer want you to come home.”

What’s with men, anyway? The spouse has also recently decided that he’s done with home renovations for the most part. Great, so who’s left to schedule, supervise, then pay the ridiculous prices of the people who we are now forced to hire to finish the workat our place? Um, that would be me.

Even my poor daughter has experienced the fickleness of the male species. She plays with the 5 year old boy next door. They’re pretty much joined at the hip for the most part. Except last Thursday we come home to find the 5 year old’s older brother is having a friend sleep over, and they’re letting the 5 year old play with them. So he basically tells my daughter “shove off honey, this is man’s business.” Of course daughter is devastated. Mopes around the house. Tries again to go out and play with them, only to be rebuffed again. But once the 5 year old gets a taste of nasty 12-year old behaviour (take a hike, squirt, we don’t want you anymore) he’s back sniffing around my place. So my daughter, wise beyond her years, tries to express to him how hurt she was when he ignored her. He looks at her like she has 10 heads. And suddenly I’m transported 20 years into the future – they’re married and having exactly the same conversation. With the exact same result.

Men.

Day 12 – Bye Bye Cleanse!

Days 9, 10, and 11 looked pretty much like Day 8 – without the cake – so I didn’t bother boring you, Constant Reader.

But here I am, Day 12 – it’s Friday – and I’m officially ending this cleanse. Actually, I ended it this morning when I ate a mini scone. It was yummy.

But the dietary changes will last for awhile, I think. I’m pretty happy with the no coffee. Decaf green tea tastes just as good as regular green tea, and I can drink a lot of herbals now with nothing in them. Coffee will likely be a once-a-week treat, maybe on Saturday or Sunday morning, with a non-dairy creamer. The dairy is definitely bye-bye permanently except for rare occasions. Same with the gluten, although I’m not going to police the nutritional labels like I have been. Bread’s definitely out. But booze is back – at least, the regular bottle-of-wine-per-weekend booze that’s normal for me. I’d hardly call that “problem drinking.” Sugar is something I’ve always avoided, but I’m going to be more diligent about it now. Red meat will likely go down to once a week, but chicken and pork are back. I’d like to try and make 1-2 meals a week vegetarian for the whole family. We’ll see how that goes – I’m planning a vegetarian chili for Sunday night.

I’m also hoping my love-hate fascination with food has been broken for good. I don’t know if 12 days is long enough, but it was working well. I’m so used to  constantly obsessing about food – what I just ate, what I’m going to eat next, what my next “reward meal” will look like, what the scale says, etc etc ad nauseum ad nauseum – that it was a nice relief to not have to think about it. Fridays were particularly bad, because I gave myself permission to eat anything I wanted. I would fantasize about it for days – what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat it, how it would be prepared, where and when I would buy it, how it would taste. Of course, the reality never really lived up to the fantasy. Usually I ended up feeling slightly ill and very guilty.  But forcing myself to not do it made me realize I don’t have to. I can literally eat anything I want – and that means NOT eating things that make me feel gross.

I am feeling better, but probably not as good as Kathy Freston claimed I would. I don’t have this incredible energy – maybe because I get up at 2am. I am feeling lighter – lost a couple of pounds, I’m sure – and not as crampy/bloated. Still dealing with the gas issue, but I’m hoping a trip to the doctor or a naturopath will help with that. So that’s why I’m stopping after 12 days instead of 21. I don’t think going another week to 10 days will prove anything. But it was a great experiment, and I’m sure I’ll do it again.

Day 8 – Let THEM Eat Cake

Ah, Monday. Another week of no meat, no dairy, no bread products, no caffeine, and no sugar. The booze? Will likely come back on Friday. One must have a little joy in one’s life, mustn’t one?

I got a couple of bottles of wine from grateful Girl Guide parents at our last meeting of the year. Somehow, they understand that after a year of dealing with their precious little daughters, we’ll need a drink.

The party also included a huge chocolate cake – and I didn’t have any. Didn’t even really want any, truth be told. So not much of a challenge to say “no.” But I’ll count every little triumph. There was a time, in the not-too-distant past, where I would eat it simply because it was chocolate cake, and who was I to turn down cake? God only knows when I’d get a chance to eat cake again. It wouldn’t matter that I didn’t really like it – normally those big slab cakes are too sweet. So that’s a bit of progress I guess.

Day 7 – One Foot On The Bus

Well, that was quite the little pity party I was having yesterday, wasn’t it? Figured out why I’m so tired – besides having my period. I’m goddam sick! Sneezed my way through Saturday and woke up today with a sore throat. Joy. So I’ll never know what this cleanse is supposed to do for me unless I stick it out until the end, because this cold will last a week at least. Bad, bad timing.

Stayed on the bus for the most part. Committed to staying the course until at least Friday. Beyond that – it’s a crap shoot. But I’ve decided to cut back on the gluten and dairy permanently, because it really has helped my gut.

Had veggie chili for lunch – from a can, not that tasty – then the rest of the can over brown rice for dinner. Bland as all get out, to tell you the truth. But filling.

I think my attitude about food is changing. It’s becoming more of a means to an end, rather than the end itself.

Day 6 – Getting Bored

Yep, I’m getting bored. Bored with the beans, and the rice, and the veggies, and the fruit. The novelty has officially worn off. I was driving my kid and her little friend home from the lake – where I treated them to ice cream, and watched them eat it – and thinking about what I’d have for dinner. It used to be so easy on a Saturday night sans husband. Chicken? Chinese? Fast food burger? Sub? Nope. Now I’m thinking salad? Rice and beans? Gluten-free meat substitute? Joy. And I’m facing down my 4th night of not having a couple of glasses of wine when I normally would. A glass would be just the thing after a long, hot afternoon at the beach. Put the kid to bed, head downstairs, turn on the ridiculously big TV, pop in a chick flick, and have a couple of drinks. Heaven, I say.

Yes, I’m not feeling as bloated/gassy, but how much of that has to do with this diet? Some, certainly. But I’m definitely not feeling as different as I thought I would. By 6 days you’d think I’d have this gigantic burst of energy that all the vegans/veggies talk about on the Oprah.com bulletin board. And the sense of spiritual well-being that Kathy talks about in her book, that comes from not killing another living thing to satisfy my gluttony. Well, my gluttony is pretty hungry right now. Its moral compass isn’t that highly developed. It would like a cheeseburger and fries. And a fucking glass of wine.

Am I talking myself out of this cleanse? Maybe. Contemplating doing 2 weeks instead of 3. I already can’t go the full three weeks, because two weeks from tonight I’m going out for a celebratory “thank fucking God THAT’S over with” dinner with the other two Girl Guide leaders I’ve been working with for the last two years. That’s one day shy of “officially” 3 weeks. We’re going to the Keg, and I’ll be damned if I eat a salad and a baked potato with nothing on it. And drink water. Um, no thanks.

So we’ll see. Today it’s day-by-day. Still on the program, but I’m losing my taste for the Kool-Aid.

Day 5 – So Long Sushi

Feeling much, MUCH better today. Was in bed by 10:00 last night and slept until 7:00 this morning. I think that’s all I needed – a really good sleep. Did 50 minutes of cardio at the gym, and went and saw “Ironman” – and brought my own snacks (organic corn nuts and an apple).

And there may be something to this gluten-free thing. I’m not gassy anymore. I’ve had gas/bloating/cramping problems for so long, I assumed it was from the fresh fruit or something else. But today I’ve hardly had any issues at all. I’m off that soy rye bread, too. It went mouldy already, which is fine with me – makes me feel less guilty about throwing it out.

Got K a Happy Meal for dinner. It made the car smell like McNuggets, and all I could think about was a McChicken. I was literally salivating. But I came home and ate my veggie wrap. I was going to treat myself to California Roll today – was looking forward to it all week, actually – when I read the ingredients. Turns out they use sugar to keep the rice all rolled up. So much for that. Sigh.

But here’s some good news – tonight I’m having some friends over. I’m putting out corn chips and salsa – totally legal – and two of my awesome friends are bringing veggies and a fruit plate. Love you guys! To drink I’m having soda and Pomegranate-Blueberry juice. I’m hoping I can persuade Nej to have a mango margarita. Come on, someone has to booze it up on my behalf!